“I used the cello to express my depth of feeling, though excruciating, that seemed to have no end.�

Meredith’s “Faith Story�
June 2007

My journey to new life in Christ began with an upbringing that was filled with church-going, combined with a chaotic home life dominated by the rage of a mother who had numerous and severe problems. I knew both my parents loved me but I felt utterly alone with the pain of the verbal and emotional abuse that my mom did not seem to be able to control. My dad, while suffering in his marriage to her, provided an example of tolerance, kindness, perseverance, and commitment. He was eventually unable to function in a healthy way as he attempted to deal with these problems on his own. I remember thinking no human being could have withstood all he did, for as long as he did, under the circumstances. Maybe that was my first glimpse into some characteristics of my Heavenly Father.

Being immersed in the disciplines of music performance from a young age, I used the cello to express my depth of feeling, though excruciating, that seemed to have no end. One opportunity after another came my way, and summers at Interlochen Music Camp for several years became a much-needed escape. I sensed in these incredible opportunities that Someone was orchestrating (no pun intended!) all of them. They were too good to be true or at least too amazing to be attributed to chance or luck. I knew I was blessed, but did not know the One blessing me. I had a sense of direction, although the purpose was not clear. One prominent desire, devoid of spiritual insight, was to use my cello in a “pure� way, but without any idea of what that meant or might signify. The music of J. S. Bach gave a certain validation to every emotion I felt. It was no surprise to learn many years later that he wrote all of his compositions with the transcription, “To the Glory of God.�

At age 17 I left home to attend the Eastman School of Music and prepare for a career in cello performance. The turmoil of the past followed me to college. During my sophomore year, I experienced acute rejection after a breakup with my boyfriend. The irony was that I intended to break up with him, but he beat me to it! This triggered pain like no other, as though all the years of heartache came crashing in at once. Even my best friend could offer no real comfort. I sat alone in my dorm room and cried out to the One I sensed had been protecting and guiding me for so long. He responded immediately in such a dramatic, undeniable, and gracious way, that I am still incredulous about how swiftly He answered my cry for help. In those moments, He incorporated my understanding of the Trinity from my church-going experience into a spiritual rebirth. All my pain was washed away as I literally saw the color white and was simultaneously aware of being cleansed and filled by the Spirit of God. I was also given a vivid word picture as clear in my mind’s eye as if someone was holding up a sign. The following words appeared: God – Love, Christ – Sweet Sorrow, Holy Spirit – Power. I knew that Jesus, who had died to pay for my sin and rose again in victory over death, now resided in me. The Truth I had heard in my past, tormented life pierced through the chaos and confusion!

My husband Ralph became a tangible answer to prayer some time after my rebirth in Christ. I was eager to share what I knew but it was years before I began reading or studying the Bible. Because of the extent of the healing that was necessary, I felt almost immobilized in opening God’s Word or even simply saying the name of Jesus. How sweet it was to see God redeem that time and bring complete healing, along with an understanding of the need for full dependence on Him. I trust in Him for daily guidance. I remember too well what life was like without Christ and never want to go back. I am filled with gratitude for all the ways He works for good, whether or not I understand His ways. He is all I ever imagined and with inexpressible joy I anticipate seeing Him face to face one day.

I have witnessed the mercy of God in my life, just as the Israelites did in the following verses of Isaiah 43:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.�